


And So You Are Mine

by ein_geheimnis



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, Durincest, Incest, Intersexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-26 22:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ein_geheimnis/pseuds/ein_geheimnis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwarf society is divided along strict alpha/beta/omega lines, and omegas traditionally live highly protected lives after being claimed by their alpha.  Fíli knows his time is running out, and has to work with the hand fate has dealt him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fíli grew up knowing that he was an omega. His parents told him that it made him special, something to be treasured. The ability to bear children was given great respect among Mahal’s children, given how few of them were able to do so, and Fíli was told over and over again that his role in the reproductive cycle was an honored one. Despite growing up in close proximity to the towns of men and their narrow definitions of sexuality and who should bear children, Fíli never felt any shame about being an omega. The line of Durin would continue through him: that was something to be proud of. 

And yet.

Fíli knew how the omegas were treated back when Erebor was still mighty. Dwarves were known for how fiercely they guarded their hoards of gold and jewels, but that was nothing to how possessive an alpha was of an omega. The omegas of Erebor had been cherished above all the wealth of the kingdom, but that same reverence sentenced them to a life lived in seclusion. No alpha would suffer an outsider’s eyes to look upon their greatest treasure, and the omegas had abided. They'd spent most of their days hidden deep within the Mountain, and only ventured forth accompanied by either their alphas or an escort of armed betas.

But Fíli had been born far from Erebor’s thick walls, and grew up in close proximity to the customs of men. Men did not guard their women the way the dwarves guarded their omegas. Their women walked freely in the markets, unaccompanied by guards, and were seen going wherever they pleased whenever it took their fancy. Fíli grew up shoulder-to-shoulder with a culture where the bearers were not kept in isolation, and as time passed he couldn’t help but feel that he preferred the ways of men.

When he had barely reached fifteen years, he told his mother he would never be mated, would never let an alpha tell him he couldn’t run wild in the fields or play in the streams that ran out of the foothills of the Ered Luin. He told her, with the gravitas that only a child could muster, that he would rather die than have his freedom taken from him.

“Oh, Fíli,” said Dís, kneeling before him and resting her hands on his shoulders. “You say that now, but you’ll feel differently when you get older.” She pulled him forward and kissed his forehead. “Everything will be all right, you’ll see.”

Sometimes things were. The dwarves knew it was foolish to deny anything they held dear the ability to defend themselves, and so omegas were always given training in weapons. Fíli began learning the sword and the axe at twenty-two years, and wielded both with great skill. He loved the hours he spent outdoors practicing with the older dwarves, learning to thrust and parry, and when he began learning to forge his own blades he found he loved that, as well.

“I want _this_ ,” he told Thorin when he was on the cusp of turning thirty. “I’m good with weapons, and at molding metal. I should be one of the warriors, not locked away waiting to bear children.”

Thorin’s eyes were dark and sad as they looked down at him. “Fíli,” he said with a sigh. “There is no shame in being omega, and it is not as though you will be locked away in a dungeon for the rest of your life. Your role is an _honored_ one. Of all Mahal’s children, only the omegas were given the gift to create life. You are rare enough that we need to guard you, but we would never dare make slaves of you.”

Fíli shook his head furiously, fighting back tears. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

Thorin wrapped an arm around Fíli’s small shoulders and pulled him close. “I wish you had been born in Erebor,” he said, "for then you would understand how it is among dwarves. You look upon men and see that they allow their women to walk freely through the streets without guards, but things are different behind closed doors. Some men are good, but many more beat their women, and are cruel to them. Among us, such a thing would never happen. An alpha would die rather than bring harm to an omega.”

Fíli hunched his shoulders, and Thorin ruffled his hair. “It will be all right, Fíli,” he said. “I promise you that.”

As Fíli grew up, things got more difficult. His body was maturing, even though his first heat was still years away, and he couldn’t help but notice alphas. He shivered when he caught an alpha’s scent, and bit his lip whenever he saw a particularly impressive display of strength or skill. More than that, the alphas were looking back. Fíli was an omega of Durin’s line, and he did not lack for dwarves wishing to mate him. None dared to approach him, of course - the ever-present threat of Thorin’s wrath and the ingrained dwarvish respect for omegas kept them at bay - but he knew they looked at him, and wondered which dwarf would have the honor of mating him.

Which was where Kíli came in.

He and Kíli had been inseparable ever since Kíli was born, the two of them so close that the older dwarves whispered there was but one heart and soul shared between them. When they were dwarflings, no one raised an eyebrow at their bond - they were siblings, after all, and of Durin’s line, and it was natural that they would be close. But as they grew older, people began to notice, and to speculate.

By the time they were on the cusp of adolescence, it had become clear that Kíli was alpha to Fíli’s omega. Fíli couldn’t deny that he was drawn to Kíli’s scent. It was _better_ than that of the other alphas, more intoxicating, and he was naturally inclined to spend more time with his brother. The same was true of Kíli. He was Fíli’s constant shadow, whether they were in the forge or hunting game on the slopes of Ered Luin, and it was easy for all to see that Kil had chosen his mate. 

It thrilled and terrified Fíli in equal measure. He was an omega; his body wanted to join with that of an alpha. He couldn’t deny his feelings for Kíli, whether it was due to the demands of his nature or something else, and whenever he looked at his brother he felt a sense of _rightness_. He knew in his heart that Kíli was his One, the alpha who would claim him and be at his side forever, and yet...

Fíli was the older brother. He had always been the one to take care of Kíli, to stand ready to catch him as he took his first steps and help his unsteady hand form the traditional Khuzdul lettering. That would all change once he went into heat and Kíli had him. Fíli would be the one relying on his brother for safety and guidance from that point on, and the part of Fíli that was older brother instead of omega rebelled against letting Kíli take the lead.

Kíli tried to be sympathetic. “I won’t _smother_ you,” he said, reaching up to brush Fíli’s hair behind his ears. “I know you’re not some delicate flower. I just want you to be safe, that’s all.”

That was all the alphas said : _We just want you to be safe_. After a while, Fíli learned to grit his teeth and just remain silent.

Kíli reached maturity some three months after his fifty-sixth birthday. Fíli knew what was happening, of course - his brother’s flushed cheeks, increased irritability, and near constant arguing with Thorin could only mean one thing. The small home they shared with their mother and, on occasion, their uncle was becoming almost unbearable with Kíli’s impeding Frenzy wreaking havoc with his temperament, and it would be a relief for it to peak and then pass. But when things finally came to a head and Kíli was conspicuously absent from their shared room one night, all Fíli could feel was dread. Whenever he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, the only thing he could think about was his brother caught up in the throes of almost violent sexual desire that came upon all alphas when they matured, and the way his dark hair would hang loose and his muscles flex as he spent himself in willing body after willing body...

Fíli shivered and curled in on himself, trying not to think about what the changes in Kíli meant.

Thorin had taken Kíli away for the duration of the Frenzy. Back in Erebor-that-was, there would have been no need for secrecy; any number of betas would have been ready and eager to help a young Alpha cope with their emerging sexuality, and the event would have been marked with food and drink and merrymaking. But here, where they were forced to live in such close proximity to men, whose bodies and customs were so different from their own, they needed to be cautious. No matter how it rankled Thorin for his nephew to forgo the customary celebrations and open acknowledgement of his virility, it was for the best that it be done quietly - or as quietly as possible, anyway, given the nature of what was happening.

Kíli returned late on the third night after his departure. Fíli had already blown out the candle and was huddled under the covers of his bed when his brother stumbled into their room, overtired and reeking of sex. He kicked off his boots and crawled in bed next to Fíli like they were still little dwarflings, ignoring Fíli’s grumbled protests in favor of slinging his arm around Fíli’s waist and pressing their cheeks together.

“I’m grown now, Fíli,” he said, excitement coloring his tone. “Ready to be a warrior.”

“Good on you,” snapped Fíli. “But right now you smell like too much ale and and you’re taking up all the room in my bed.”

Kíli was silent for a minute. Then his hand reached up to caress Fíli’s cheek and he pushed his nose against the skin of Fíli’s throat, inhaling deeply. There was nothing brotherly in the gesture, and Fíli couldn’t help going rigid, paralyzed by a mixture of fear and want.

“It won’t be too much longer, now,” said Kíli softly. “Don’t be afraid, though, Fíli. Everything will be all right. I’ll take care of you; you’ll see.”

Kíli pressed a single kiss against Fíli’s pulse point then settled down to sleep, his breath warm and heavy on Fíli’s skin. Fíli stared ahead into the darkness, and bit his lip so hard it bled.

* * *  
Fíli finally went into heat two weeks after his sixty-eighth birthday.

When he woke up that morning, he didn’t think anything was seriously out of the ordinary. He felt a bit feverish, maybe, and there was a dull throbbing in the back of his skull, but it was nothing severe enough to keep him in bed. He got up, ate breakfast, and made his way to the forge, trusting that he’d feel better in a few hours. But in a few hours he felt like he was burning alive, and he had never been so terrified.

Dís had told him that first heats came on suddenly, with little to no warning. It was only later that an omega’s body settled into a predictable rhythm, letting them know well in advance when they would want nothing more than to find an alpha to quiet the need roaring within them. That initial unpredictability was why she’d warned him that he needed to be especially careful these days, when they knew he was so close to finally maturing, lest he be caught far away from home in the company of strangers who would take advantage and hurt him. Only Fíli had ignored her, refusing to acknowledge the basic demands his cursed body made on him, and now -

Fíli reached up and pushed his hair away from his face. He could feel his heartbeat pounding through his entire body, heavy and insistent, and sweat was trickling down his spine. He took a deep breath and stepped toward the door. He needed to bolt it. He needed to stay hidden, keep anyone from getting close to him until this was over -

\- but before he got the chance the door opened and Kíli walked in, happy and smiling. He’d never been far from Fíli’s side, and while Fíli welcomed his presence most of the time, right now he was the last person Fíli wanted to see. 

“Fíli” said Kíli happily, oblivious to his brother’s discomfort. “Mother sent me to look for you. She was worried...” His voice trailed off and he stared at Fíli. His nostrils flared and he took a deep breath, scenting the air. And that was it; Kíli _knew_.

Fíli swallowed hard. When he looked at Kíli and saw the other dwarf’s dilated pupils and flushed cheeks, Fíli didn’t see _Kíli_ , the little brother he’d looked after and protected for most of his life. He saw a young alpha whose blood was up and wanted more than anything else to claim their omega. And Fíli had known this was coming, had known for decades, but now that his heat was upon him and Kíli was looking at him like he was all the gold of Erebor there for the taking...

Fíli wasn’t ready. As much as his body was reacting to the presence of an alpha - _his_ alpha - he just. wasn’t. ready.

“Fíli,” said Kíli again, and this time his voice was low and thick with desire. He stepped forward and raised his fingers as if to brush Fíli’s cheek. “ _Fíli_.”

And Fíli broke.

“No,” he said. He took one step back, and then another, trying to put distance between the two of them. It was hard. His treacherous body wanted to mate, wanted to feel an alpha pressed up against it, pushing inside of it. More than that, it wanted Kíli, whom he’d loved for so many years and was the only person he could possibly trust with what was happening to him. Except Fíli didn’t want it to be like this, not like this, when he couldn’t think straight and everything felt so out of control.

“No!” he said again, this time more forcefully, and took a deep breath before darting past Kíli’s grasping hands and out into the street. The sunlight burned his eyes, and even the gentle breeze felt harsh against his hypersensitive skin. He wanted to drop to his knees and be sick, but overriding that was the panicked voice in the back of his head screaming at him to run, run, run. 

His fear gave him speed. It sent him running away from the town’s cobbled streets and into the forests that crept up the slopes of the Blue Mountains. He ran blindly, branches whipping in his face and leaves tangling in his hair, until he finally tripped and went down hard. Fíli curled in on himself and lay gasping on the dirt and fallen leaves, his heart thumping painfully in his chest and sweat pouring down his back. The world was spinning around him, making him feel disoriented and sick. On some level he could hear himself keening, high and desperate, but it was no longer in him to care.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he felt fingers run through his hair and a firm body settle over his. “Fíli,” breathed Kíli, pressing kisses against the tender skin of Fíli’s neck. “Don’t run from me, Fíli, don’t run from this. We were always meant to be together, you know that.” 

Fíli pushed his head back into the ground and moaned. Kíli felt good; it was _good_ and _right_ to have an alpha holding him down, dominating him, and Fíli wanted to be Kíli’s, wanted Kíli to have him -

\- but he wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t forget that image of a door in Erebor closing in on him, locking him away forever, and no, no, _no_ , that wasn’t what he wanted to happen to him.

“No,” said Fíli, and pushed at Kíli’s shoulders. “No, Kíli, please, I don’t -”

Kíli stared down at him, his eyes dark. It was obvious that he was far gone, caught up in a mating frenzy, and the sight made Fíli’s stomach churn even more, fear warring with arousal. “Kíli,” he said again, small and desperate. “Kíli, wait.”

But Kíli didn’t. He leaned down and bit at the juncture of Fíli’s neck and shoulder, hard enough to draw blood. Fíli arched against him with a wail and dug his fingers into Kíli’s shoulders. The claiming bite was there, now, and Kil couldn’t stop, and Fíli didn’t want him to, only he was crying, _why was he crying_...

There was nothing gentle or refined about a heat. Kíli was rough and forceful when he penetrated Fíli, caught in the grip of alpha instincts that demanded for him to stake his claim, while Fíli was ruled by his omega instincts to submit. By the time Kíli finally quieted, his face buried in Fíli’s throat and his fingers tangled in Fíli’s hair, Fíli’s skin was covered with bite marks and bruises and his thighs were smeared with blood and semen. Every part of him ached, and he wanted to curl up and go to sleep and pretend this day had never happened.

Kíli raised his head and looked into Fíli’s eyes. “Fíli,” he said, soft and tentative. “Fíli, are you...”

Fíli sat up and Kíli moved away, giving him space. Fíli kept his eyes averted as he gathered his clothes. There was part of him that wanted nothing more than to press up against Kíli and let his alpha pet and soothe him, but now that the frenzy of heat had passed, all he could feel was anxiety. Kíli had claimed him. Fíli had been claimed, and that meant that he’d be kept under lock and key and never be allowed to go anywhere by himself again. As much as he loved his brother, he’d never wanted that.

Fíli got to his feet and started to make his way back toward the dwarven settlement, pointedly avoiding his brother's worried eyes and hands. He could hear Kíli’s footsteps right behind him, but neither of them spoke. They remained silent all the way home, when Fíli pushed past their mother’s worried face and went straight to the bathing chamber.

The hot water felt good on his skin. Fíli closed his eyes and sat there until the water went cold, and if he wept there was no one to hear him. When he finally slipped away to bed, he could see the grief in his mother's eyes and the dark resignation in Thorin's, but any words he might have had were still trapped in his throat. 

Kíli crept into their shared room sometime after midnight. His head was bowed, dark hair falling forward to obscure his features, and he approached Fíli in the manner of a penitent. He knelt before Fíli’s bed and held a dagger out before him, its sharp edges glinting in the dim light.

Fíli recognized the weapon. It was the same dagger Thorin had given to Kíli when he reached maturity, in acknowledgement of Kíli’s status as an alpha of Durin’s line, and was the weapon Kíli prized above all others save his bow. Seeing it in Kíli’s hand made Fíli’s breath catch in his throat. He knew the significance of the gesture. If an alpha failed to protect or honor their omega, the ancient laws of Erebor said that their life was forfeit, and the omega would be the one to take it - traditionally by using a weapon of great personal value to the offender. For Kíli to offer his blade to Fíli now...

Kíli remained on his knees, silent, awaiting Fíli’s judgement. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. The two of them had never needed words to speak to each other. Fíli knew that this was Kíli apologizing, and begging forgiveness, and asking if the two of them could possibly move forward; but also offering himself up to Fíli’s grief and anger if it would ease his pain.

Fíli reached out and curled his fingers around the dagger’s handle. Kíli tensed, but didn’t make a sound. Fíli hesitated, then pulled the blade from his brother’s loose grasp and sent it flying across the room. He heard it clatter where it hit the floor.

“Come here,” said Fíli, his voice harsh and broken. “Just _come here_ -” and then Kíli was curled up on the bed next to him with his head in Fíli’s lap and his hand resting on Fíli’s knee. Fíli ran his fingers through the dark strands of Kíli’s hair and closed his eyes. His heart was heavy in his chest.

They sat together in their small room, breathing in and out in tandem, and waited for dawn.


	2. Chapter 2

Kíli fell asleep sometime after dawn. The last thing he remembered was Fíli’s fingers combing through his hair, so soft and gentle that it made his heart ache, and then he was opening his eyes to the dull grey light of day. He could hear raindrops falling on the ground outside, a soft and steady pitter-patter, and he was alone. 

He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes. He should have been happy. Fíli had finally gone into heat, and Kíli had taken him, and now they were mated. _Mates_. He’d wanted that for years, had wanted it even before he reached maturity and the went through the Frenzy. It should have been perfect. But it had been wrong, all wrong, and right now all Kíli wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry like a dwarfling that had fallen and scraped his knee. 

He’d imagined his first time with Fíli more than he cared to admit. In his imagination, it had always been a tender, sweet experience. He’d uncover Fíli’s body slowly, taking the time to kiss and caress each bit of exposed skin. And maybe Fíli would be shy at first, but Kíli would be patient. He’d spend hours pleasuring his brother, learning what made Fíli moan and what made him laugh, until Fíli was sated and sleepy; and then the two of them would smile at each other, and kiss, and fall asleep in each other's arms. 

Only it hadn’t been like that at all.

He remembered his first Frenzy. He remembered how out of control he’d felt, completely caught up in the relentless urge to _fuck_ , to find any willing body and spill himself within it. He’d been caught up in the grip of a carnal desire so intense it felt like fire burning through his veins, and he’d been out of his mind with lust until it had finally passed. He couldn’t deny that it felt good, in its way, but it hadn’t been how he wanted his first time with Fíli to be. It was just that Fíli had been in heat, and had smelled so good, and - 

Kíli groaned. Thinking about it just made him feel sick. He forced himself to get to his feet and swayed for a minute, fighting back nausea, then pushed open the bedroom door. He needed a bath and breakfast before dealing with everything else. 

Fíli and his mother were in the kitchen. They were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, leaning toward each other with their hands entwined. Dís looked up at him as he entered but Fíli kept his head lowered, his golden hair falling around his face in a curtain. Kíli stared at him, willing him to look up, but Fíli remained motionless.

“Kíli,” said Dís, getting to her feet. She dredged up a smile for him, but Kíli could see the underlying strain in her expression. "You must be hungry.”

“I was going to have a bath first.” Seeing Fíli so unresponsive and closed-off to him had killed his appetite. “Maybe later.”

He stayed in the bath long enough for the water to cool and his skin to become soft and wrinkled, and by the time he emerged Fíli and Dís were nowhere to be seen. He forced down the plate of bacon and toast that had been left for him, then grabbed his bow and headed to the archery range. 

The other dwarves had never made any secret that they found his love of the bow strange, elvish even, but Kíli had learned long ago to pay them no mind. Fitting the arrow to the string, drawing it back, and focusing on the target required all of his concentration, and right now that was a blessing. It left no room in his mind to obsess over Fíli. He fired arrow after arrow, losing himself in the rhythm of it, until a strong hand landed on his shoulder and drew him back to the world. He looked up into his uncle’s stern visage.

“Come with me,” said Thorin. “We have to prepare for this evening.”

Kíli set his bow aside reluctantly. He wanted to keep shooting. He didn’t want to go with Thorin and do whatever alpha thing he was apparently expected to do. “Do I have to?” he asked, petulant like a child. 

“Tonight is your mating feast, Kíli,” replied Thorin, cool and implacable. “It is tradition for the other alphas in the family to offer advice before you and your mate are formally pledged to one another.” 

“I don’t think Fíli and I have any need for the formalities,” said Kíli bitterly. “It’s not as if this is a happy occasion.”

Thorin looked at him for a moment, then wrapped his hand around Kíli’s forearm and squeezed. “Walk with me, nephew. Tell me what is troubling you so.”

Kíli waited until they were out of earshot for the human archers who were practicing at the range before speaking up. “It was terrible,” he said. “I wish it had never happened.”

“You wish you hadn't taken Fíli as your mate?” asked Thorin, and raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“No!” retorted Kíli. “It’s just that... I wish it hadn’t happened the way it did.” He remembered the way Fíli had refused to speak to him after they joined their bodies, and how he’d avoided Kíli’s gaze this morning. “I hurt him,” he admitted, and his face flushed pink with shame. “The one thing we are never supposed to do, and I did it.”

Thorin drew them to a halt, then turned and rested his hands firmly on Kíli’s shoulders. “Kíli,” he said, “an omega’s first heat is very rarely what we might wish it to be.” His eyes were focused somewhere over Kíli’s shoulder, and Kíli wondered if his uncle was remembering his own mate. Thorin never spoke of the omega who had died when Smaug came to Erebor breathing fire, but the fact that he had never taken another mate said more than enough. “More often than not, it is rough. Sometimes violent. The alpha is driven by the need to claim, and the omega has never felt another’s touch prior to that moment.” Thorin’s eyes dropped back to Kíli’s, and his expression was rueful. “It is a volatile combination.”

“He hates me now,” said Kíli, and he felt his eyes sting. “I love him so much, and it’s all gone so wrong.”

Thorin’s eyes darkened with compassion and he touched his forehead gently to Kíli’s. “Have faith,” he said. “The two of you knew each other's scents from when you were children. That is rare, and proves the strength of the bond between you.” He squeezed Kíli tight once more, then turned away. “Now come.” 

They didn’t go back to the house Kíli and Fíli shared with their mother and Thorin. His uncle led him instead to the home of Balin and Dwalin, the sons of Fundin and alphas with the blood of Durin in their veins. Oin and Gloin were there as well, as was their right as both alphas and kin. They greeted the two of them solemnly, grasping Kíli’s forearm like an equal, then drew the King in Exile and his heir into the circle. Balin lit a pipe and passed it around. Kíli had never tasted tobacco like it: rich and smoky and intoxicating. It made him feel like he was floating, as though his body were coming apart at the edges, and he felt like he might want to lie down. 

And then Balin began to speak.

When Kíli went through his Frenzy he was told stories about the battle prowess of the dwarven alphas, of how Mahal had created them to be the strongest, most enduring of all the races of Middle Earth. This time, he was told the ancient legends regarding the creation of the omegas. Kíli had heard bits and pieces of these stories all his life, of course, but Balin had a fine voice and was considered one of the most skilled storytellers in Ered Luin. Kíli let the intoxication of the smoke and low rumble of Balin’s baritone wind around him and draw him back into the days before the western part of Beleriand fell into the sea. 

Balin spoke of Mahal, and how he crafted the dwarves before even the elves were awakened by Ilúvatar. He spoke of how Mahal’s first children were the omegas, greatest of his creations, the ones who held within their bodies the power to foster life. The first omegas he crafted were the most perfect, for in addition to the ability to bear children Mahal graced them with aspects both male and female, and they embodied all the facets of the race of dwarves. But their intricacy made them difficult for Mahal to fashion, so he created other omegas, omegas who still held the gift of life but did not possess aspects both male and female. The alphas were created last of all, to serve and protect the omegas, and the alphas had always held that charge close to their hearts.

The sun was low in the sky and the interior of Balin’s home was shrouded in gloom by the time his voice trailed off into silence. The potent tobacco had passed from dwarf to dwarf several times by that point, and Kíli’s head was spinning. He felt awkward and unsteady when Thorin pulled him to his feet and the other alphas approached him one by one, pressing their foreheads against his and whispering rough Khuzdul prayers for strength, for wisdom, for bravery. His uncle came last, and his hands were gentle when they threaded into Kíli’s dark hair and pulled him close. 

“You will find love,” he murmured into Kíli’s ear. “You and Fíli were made for each other. Both of you know this, even if it is obscured at the moment.” Thorin squeezed his nephew tightly, and Kíli had to blink back tears at the rare display of physical affection.

“The two of you will find your way,” he said, with all the confidence of a King, and then stepped back, leaving Kíli feeling lonely and bereft. 

“And now,” said Thorin, turning to face the assembled alphas, “we feast!”

The company gave a ragged cheer and swept out into the street and began to make their way to the home of the omega, laughing and singing all the while. As they passed by the houses of the settlement the dwarves who lived there thrust their heads out of their windows to call out blessings, and a few even tossed flowers into their path. It was an outpouring of joy and well-wishes, and Kíli's spirits couldn’t help being lifted. By the time they reached his mother’s house, he felt downright optimistic. 

Fíli and Dís were waiting for them in the main room, both dressed in their best finery. The table was heavy with food and drink, and as soon as alphas and omegas had bowed to one another in greeting, they sat down to feast. They ate and drank until the sun slipped fully below the horizon, and when the last remnants of food were cleared away, Dís set a jug of wine on the table. Dwarves tended to prefer frothing mugs of ale or the occasional snifter of fine spirits, but on ceremonial occasions it was customary to drink a vintage so dark it was almost purple. Dís poured the beverage out into the finely chased silver goblets they’d managed to bring all the way from Erebor, then inclined her head to Thorin.

Thorin stood, tall and imposing, and fixed his solemn gaze on his sister-sons. He began to speak the traditional blessing for a newly mated pair, the ancient Khuzdul phrases rolling smoothly off of his tongue. Kíli could feel the weight of tradition behind the words, and, caught up in the solemnity of the moment, he reached out to twine his fingers with Fíli’s. They were sitting close enough together that Kíli felt the shudder run through his brother’s body at the contact, but he didn't move away.

The last words of the invocation hung heavy in the air, and Thorin nodded to them. The brothers stood in unison and turned to face one another. Kíli reached out to undo the braids in Fíli’s hair, his hands trembling with nerves. He'd been braiding Fíli’s hair for years, but this was different. He took his time in undoing Fíli’s old braids, then gently stroked through the golden locks until they were loose and smooth around his brother’s face. He kept his eyes fixed on his fingers as they started to weave the new patterns that declared Fíli’s new status as a mated omega. He didn’t want to look into his brother’s eyes. He didn’t think he could bear it if he saw fear or unhappiness there.

Thorin had taught him this pattern years ago. “You’ll braid Fíli's hair this way once the two of you bond,” he’d said as he guided Kíli’s hands through the coarse horsehair of the practice braid, “and it will tell everyone who can read the signs that he is yours, and that any who dare insult him will taste the metal of your blade.” Kíli had absorbed each and every word as his fingers struggled to learn weaving five strands of hair instead of three, and Thorin had been patient with him as he guided his nephew’s hands. “Just remember this, sister-son,” he’d said as they came to the end, “being allowed to weave these braids is the highest honor an alpha can aspire to. It is a sacred trust, and to betray that is be cursed in the eyes of Mahal.”

Kíli remembered his uncle’s words as he finished the final braid and slipped an elaborately chased silver bead onto its end. He opened his mouth to say the alpha’s traditional vow to honor their omega in all ways, when an idea occurred to him. Without stopping to think about what he was doing he dropped to his knees at Fíli’s feet, his head lowered in subservience. 

“All I ask,” he said, and hoped Fíli could hear the heartfelt sincerity in his voice and see its reflection in his eyes, “is that you permit me to protect and serve you until I am called to the hall of our Maker. There is nothing in this world that I desire more. But tell me, Fíli, do you accept me?”

The other dwarves murmured softly amongst themselves at this change in tradition. It was usually understood at this point that the omega had bonded with their alpha, and all that was needed was for the alpha to declare their mateship before witnesses. Kíli wanted to give Fíli this choice, though; wanted Fíli to know that he didn’t take anything between them for granted. He wanted to hear Fíli agree to take him as a mate, rather than rely on unspoken customs. So he looked up at his brother’s shadowed face with his heart in his throat and waited for Fíli’s judgement.

Fíli remained silent for the space of two heartbeats, then reached out and ran his fingers through Kíli’s hair, a feather light touch that still managed to send shivers through Kíli’s entire body. Kíli closed his eyes and let himself lean into his brother’s hand, scarcely daring to breathe. He heard Fíli take a quick breath, then exhale in a soft sigh.

“I accept you,” said Fíli, and reached down and pulled Kíli to his feet. He leaned forward to kiss Kíli , just a brief touch of their lips, then turned to face the assembled dwarves. “My alpha,” he declared, soft but firm, and met their eyes one by one. “I, Fíli, son of Dís accept Kíli, son of Dís, grandson of Thrain, as my alpha.”

Thorin’s eyes flickered with approval and he raised his wine goblet. “Then Mahal protect and guide you until the end of days,” he said, and drank.

The rest of the dwarves toasted them in turn, moving around the circle until all that was left was for Fíli and Kíli to seal their bond by drinking from the same cup. Kíli drank first, then pressed the goblet to Fíli’s lips. The light caught on the silver vessel as he tipped it forward, shining with all the beauty of Erebor’s lost treasure, but Kíli barely noticed. All he could see was the movement of Fíli’s throat as he swallowed, the glow of his hair, the way his eyelashes dipped down toward his cheeks. 

_More beautiful than all the metal and jewels in the ground_ , thought Kíli, and wondered with a pang if Fíli could possibly think the same of him. 

The rest of the evening passed in increasingly drunken revelry. Dwalin made increasingly bawdy toasts, Balin made increasingly poetic toasts, and there was laughter and song until the late hours of the night. Kíli smiled and laughed with them, but Fíli remained silent; and when they finally retreated to their shared room Fíli curled up facing the wall and fell asleep without saying a word. 

* * *

The next three months were the most miserable of Kíli’s life. 

Kíli tried to make Fíli happy. He didn’t smother Fíli, didn’t stay one step behind his brother every second of every day or insist that Fíli spend all his time in their mother’s house. Kíli let him continue working at the smithy. Sometimes he stayed there with Fíli, fletching arrows or doing his own metalwork, and sometimes he he asked Balin or Dori to keep watch. He was doing his best to balance his desire to respect Fíli’s feelings with his own possessive alpha instincts, and he thought he was doing a fairly decent job, only Fíli -

\- Fíli was impossible. Trying to hold on to Fíli was like trying to hold on to water. During the day he was distant and unhappy, avoiding Kíli’s gaze and keeping his shoulders hunched forward like he was trying to hide. At night, however... at night, he was different. At night he would curl up against Kíli’s side, skin to skin in the single large bed Thorin had replaced their two smaller ones with, or else he would tug Kíli ’s head into his lap and run his fingers through Kíli’s hair for hours. Those times were as bitter as they were sweet. They made Kíli want to kiss Fíli, strip away Fíli's clothes and caress every inch of skin. Only he couldn’t, because every time he tried slipping his hand under Fíli’s smallclothes to touch him intimately, Fíli went stiff and unresponsive. It was the worst kind of torture. Kíli _wanted_ Fíli, wanted Fíli like he wanted nothing else in his life, and to have him so close and yet out of reach was nothing less than misery. The only blessing was that their one coupling had not resulted in a child. Kíli could not imagine bringing a little one into the volatile storm that was their relationship.

Their unhappy little equilibrium finally started to come undone some one and a half months after Fíli’s heat. Kíli had spent most of the day training at weapons with Thorin and the other alphas, and by the time he made his way back home with a satisfied ache in his muscles, the sun was low on the western horizon. All he wanted to do was have a bath, dinner, and then fall into bed. If he were lucky, Fíli might even be amenable to letting himself be held as they drifted off to sleep. Holding the image of a calm, smiling Fíli in his head, he pushed the door open and went inside. 

Dís was sitting alone at the table staring down at a bowl of soup like it held all the secrets of the universe. She looked up at Kíli and managed to dredge up a small smile. “It’s not a good day,” she said, tired and sad, and Kíli felt his heart plummet.

“Mother,” he said, but Dís just shook her head.

“The two of you have a difficult path,” she said, and sighed. “Are you hungry?”

“No.” Seeing his mother so despondent, and knowing Fíli was the cause of it, had killed any appetite he had. Kíli moved to the stairs leading up to the sleeping quarters, then paused. “Mother?”

“Yes?” Dís asked, soft and gentle. “What is it, sweet son of mine?”

“Was it as difficult for you, at first?” he asked, feeling very much like a child. “Did you fight it?”

“It was different for me,” said Dís. “I was raised in Erebor, and things were different when we had our own stronghold.” Her eyes grew distant, fixed on a memory only she could see. “It’s true that the alphas have always had the more public role. You are our warriors, and the safety of our people rests in the strength of your arms. But in Erebor-that-was, it was the omegas who _ruled_. We were the ones who kept our people fed and clothed, and gave the alphas advice on how to speak sweetly to the foreign powers who came to our doorstep. We were sequestered, but that did not make us powerless.” She smiled, and it was as bitter as it was sad. “Things are different here. Omegas were already rare and valuable in Erebor, and then for so many to die when the drake came...” She shrugged. “It made everyone afraid.”

“I wish things were different,” blurted out Kíli. “I wish Fíli were happy.”

“Oh, Kíli.” Dís crossed over to Kíli and drew him into her embrace. “He will be, in time.” She squeezed him gently and stepped back. “Just be patient with him.” 

_Be patient with him_. Kíli hurried up the steps to their bedroom and pushed the door open. The shutters were closed and the room was shrouded in gloom, forcing him to blink a few times until he could make out his brother’s form.

Fíli was pressed against the headboard with his knees drawn up against his chest and his arms wrapped around them. All the braids Kíli had put such care into were undone, and his hair hung loose and wild around his face. He looked like a trapped animal, wounded and scared, and it tore at Kíli’s heart.

“Fíli,” he said, trying to find the words that would all of this better, but Fíli didn’t give him a chance.

“I hate this.” Fíli’s voice was rough with desperation. “I can’t do this, Kíli , don’t make me do this, don’t make me live like this, please -”

“Fíli!” Kíli scrambled up onto the bed and grabbed his brother’s shoulders, trying to calm him. “Fíli, it’s all right -”

But Fíli shoved him away and got to his feet only to start pacing the length of the room, back and forth and back and forth like an animal in a cage. “It’s not all right,” he said. “I’m never by myself anymore except for when I’m shut up somewhere and I can’t breathe and it’s driving me mad, it’s driving me _mad_ -”

Kíli had never felt more helpless in his life. He sat frozen on the bed, trying to think of what he could possibly say. Only there was nothing, nothing at all, and in the face of his brother’s suffering he felt small and worthless and not like an alpha at all.

“Fíli,” he said again, and he sounded scared and pathetic even to his own ears.

Fíli stopped his pacing and turned to face Kíli. He was breathing hard, and his eyes were bright with mania. “Well,” he said, and laughed bitterly. “Well, if there’s no way out, there’s only one thing left, isn’t there?” 

He was on Kíli before Kíli had the chance to say anything, tearing at their clothes and pressing their lips together. Fíli wasn’t in heat this time, but his actions were just as angry and desperate as they had been during their first coupling. It was just as wrong now as it was then, with Fíli driven by fear and anger rather than passion, and Kíli put his hands against his brother's chest and pushed him away.

“Fíli, no. Not like this.” 

“Not like what?” snapped Fíli, and pulled Kíli into a hard, brutal kiss that left Kíli breathless. “You want your omega, don’t you? Don’t you want to show me my _place_?” He started mouthing at Kíli’s jaw, little nips and licks that threatened to drive Kíli into a Frenzy. It made him want to pin Fíli down and _take_ him, and it was tempting, so very tempting, - 

“ _No_!” Kíli grabbed at Fíli’s wrists and flipped them so that Fíli was flat on his back and Kíli was looming over him, their faces only inches apart. “Not like this, Fíli, do you understand me?”

Fíli stared up at Kíli, his eyes wide and dark. Kíli could see his pulse throbbing in Fíli’s throat, could feel Fíli’s breath on his face; and in that moment he wanted nothing more than to ravish his omega, work Fíli over until he was limp and gasping with pleasure -

He scrambled off his brother with a choked-off cry, and landed on the wooden floor with a thud. He stayed down there, pressed against the wall with his eyes closed, silently cursing himself and his brother and the cursed route that had brought them to this state.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there before Fíli got down on the floor next to him. He curled up against Kíli’s side and rested his head on Kíli’s knee, submissive and contrite.

“‘I’m sorry,” whispered Fíli into the darkness. Kíli buried his fingers in his brother’s unbound hair, and didn’t answer. 

Neither of them slept.

* * *  
That night brought the sickness that had been festering between them to the fore, but it was another month before it was purged.

Fíli had taken to wandering the countryside surrounding the dwarven settlement, and as his alpha, Kíli was obligated to accompany him. He knew that the other alphas, particularly Dwalin and Gloin, disapproved, and felt that he should keep Fíli safe within stone walls. There was a part of Kíli that agreed with them, but he knew Fíli needed to feel the sun and wind on his face, and Kíli couldn’t bring himself to deny his brother such a simple thing. 

They were on one of their outings, as Kíli liked to think of them, when things came to a head. They set out from the settlement under a perfect blue sky and made their way into the Ered Luin proper, wending their way up the gentle slopes of the foothills. Fíli stayed some fifteen paces ahead of Kíli, never looking back or acknowledging him in any way. Kíli followed him faithfully in silence until the wind started to change and clouds began to sweep in from the north, the bright afternoon growing dark. 

“Fíli,” he called, quickening his step. “Fíli, we should turn back. There’s a storm coming.”

He knew his brother had heard him, but Fíli didn’t turn around. He just started to move even faster, as though daring Kíli to do something about it, and all of a sudden, Kíli felt something inside him snap. He'd had enough. He’d had enough of Fíli seeming to always pull him close only to push him away, enough of feeling the first stirrings of hope in his heart only to have them crushed. Kíli was tired of watching Fíli trying to run away from what they now were to each other, and he’d finally realized that _he_ was the one who had to put a stop to it.

“ _Fíli_ ,” he shouted, and started to run.

Fíli had always been reckoned fleet of foot for a dwarf, but Kíli put his slightly longer legs to good use. He overtook Fíli just before the meadow turned back into forest, grabbing his brother’s sleeve and bringing him to a halt. Fíli whirled around to face him, his braids in disarray and his eyes bright, and before Kíli had the chance to to say anything, Fíli punched him in the face. 

It wasn’t particularly forceful, as far as punches went, but it was still hard enough that Kíli would be sporting a bruise tomorrow. Fíli was staring at him with something like shock. He raised his hand to Kíli’s face, almost like he wanted to apologize, but then his expression became shuttered. He dropped his hand and turned away, preparing to run again. 

“No,” said Kíli , and grabbed at Fíli’s waist. He tumbled them to the ground and rolled until Fíli was pinned beneath him. “No. We’re done running. Talk to me, Fíli, I beg of you.”

Fíli fought. He thrashed against Kíli’s grasp on him, and snarled and spit in his face. Kíli stayed put, however, waiting out the storm. He let Fíli scream his frustration to the lowering sky, and when he quieted Kíli leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. 

“Tell me,” he said softly. “Tell me, beloved, are you angry with me, or is it yourself you’re fighting with?”

Fíli closed his eyes. A few tears leaked out from beneath his lids, and Kíli didn’t fight the urge to lean down and kiss them gently away. “Tell me, Fíli,” he said again, and even though he kept his voice soft, this time it was a command.

Fíli shuddered and swallowed hard. “I love you,” he said finally. His voice sounded wrecked. “I love you, and I want you, and,” he turned his face to the side as if he were trying to hide, “and there is such a strong part of me that wants nothing more than to submit to you and give you all that I am, and I hate what that makes me.”

“What does it make you?” asked Kíli. "Tell me."

“ _Weak_ ,” spat Fíli, and the self-loathing in his voice made Kíli’s heart hurt. “Weak, like someone who _should_ be locked away because they’re too pathetic to take care of themselves -”

And Kíli couldn’t bear it. “ _No_ ,” he said, clear and forceful, ending Fíli ’s tirade. “No, Fíli . Alpha and omega are many things, but strong and weak is not one of them. No one would dare think of you as such.” He closed his eyes, wishing he could make Fíli understand. Omegas were not weak. They were the greatest creations of Mahal the Maker, the ones He had blessed with the strength and ability to create life, and the alphas and betas had been created to protect and serve them. That was the truth Kíli had lived with for his entire life; why couldn't Fíli see it? 

“Fíli, being precious beyond measure does not make you weak.” Kíli wished that Fíli would open his eyes and look at him, but Fíli’s eyes remained stubbornly closed. Kíli reached out and brushed his cheek. “I know full well you are not. Do you believe me?”

“I don’t know,” said Fíli. He finally looked at Kíli, then, and his blue eyes were dark with something conflicted and desperate. “I don’t know. I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”

“Will you give me the chance to prove myself to you?” asked Kíli, and leaned down to kiss his brother. Fíli tensed against him for a moment, but all of a sudden he melted, kissing Kíli back with ardor. It was the sweetest thing Kíli had ever experienced, and he let his body relax against Fíli’s, bearing him down into the earth. The two of them had already joined their bodies once, during the wildness of Fíli’s first heat, but this felt much more intimate. This was sweet and peaceful, the way they were meant to be.

When the need for air finally forced them apart Kíli rested his forehead against Fíli’s. “Don’t shut me out anymore,” he murmured. He was close enough to Fíli that their breath mingled. “I can’t bear it any longer. Please, let me be your joy. That’s all I ask.” 

Fíli remained silent, his fingers moving gently through Kíli’s hair. “Kíli,” he said after a moment, soft and hesitant, “Kíli, I don’t want to be shut away and be good for nothing but bearing children.” 

“Fíli," said Kíli, trailing his hand down the side of Fíli’s face. “Fíli, I would never force you to bear children. I wouldn't dare. You should know me better than that,” he added, and couldn’t keep the hurt from creeping into his voice. 

Fíli looked up at Kíli, and his blue eyes were more serious than Kíli had ever seen them. “Then promise me,” he said, soft and fierce. “Promise me that you won’t turn me into a broodmare, Kíli. Promise me that you try to mold me to be some simpering little slave, and you have my word that I will try to do as you ask.”

Kíli let his breath out in a rush. “I swear to you by Mahal who forged us that I will not force to be anything you are not. May I be barred from his halls if I am forsworn.” He leaned down and brushed his lips briefly against his brother’s. “Do you accept my oath?”

Fíli sighed. “I do.” His fingers tightened on Kíli’s arms. “Thank you.”

Kíli just closed his eyes and held on.

They stayed like that for a few moments longer, sharing one another’s breath, until the first rumbles of thunder echoed through the sky and the wind grew strong enough to whip Kíli's hair into tangles. Kíli got to his feet and pulled his brother up after him. “Come on,” he said. “We need to find shelter.”

They didn’t make it back to the settlement before the rain came. But when they found a small hollow beneath the immense roots of a fallen tree and Fíli curled up willingly in Kíli’s arms, the ache that he’d been carrying in his heart ever since their first disastrous coupling started to ease. He ran his fingers gently through his omega’s rain-damp hair, and when Fíli pressed his lips gently against the wet-slick skin of Kíli’s throat in response, he couldn’t help but feel hope.

Maybe, just maybe, they would be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, in case you missed it, Fíli is intersex. I think it makes sense for Mahal to have created intersex dwarves. He was creating his children before he knew what exactly Ilúvatar intended the elves to look like, so I figure he would have created a wider range of sexes than a strict male/female dynamic. I also needed the male-appearing omegas to make at least some kind of biological sense - I mean, you can't just have anal sex something and make them pregnant. No.
> 
> This chapter is kind of bittersweet. It ends on a sort of happy note, but not entirely. Right now the truth in Fíli's life is his love for his brother, and he's trying to find a way to make that be enough. It's difficult.
> 
> There was also supposed to be smut in this chapter. Whoops.
> 
> Also: I need a beta. There are some things I cannot inflict on my regular beta, and this is one of them. If you have any interest, message me.


End file.
